A quick fall from joy into grief

Earlier this month, my husband and I joyfully discovered that I was pregnant with our second child. We were so excited (and a little nervous!) and quickly fell in love with our new family member. I carved a special pumpkin that we used to announce my pregnancy to our parents and siblings. We happily shared our news with some of our friends. We told our daughter about her new sibling and she started to kiss my belly and proudly say “kiss baby!” with a big smile on her face. It was wonderful to celebrate the blessing of new life with those closest to us.

Then last Friday, we found out that there were some signs that pointed towards a coming miscarriage. The past few days have been some of the hardest we’ve ever experienced as we desperately hoped to keep this baby here on earth with us, at the same time trusting in God’s faithfulness and knowing that His plan is good, even when we don’t quite understand it.

We learned this morning that our tiny baby has gone to be with Jesus. Our hearts feel broken as we mourn the loss of this child and grieve that we won’t get to parent them here on this earth. I’m full of curiosity about who they are and who they would’ve become. I long to hold them in my arms, to nurse them, to watch them grow. Although this baby was so small and not yet fully formed, they are very much our child, treasured and loved. And though we are deeply feeling the loss of not having this baby here with us right now, oh how we cannot wait to meet them someday in heaven!

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